Here's Why You Should Never Stop Dating Your Partner (Even After Marriage)
For many, dating is the part of a relationship that takes you into marriage.
In the early days, it is a way of spending time with your new love interest, getting to know them, wooing them.
However, these are all things that can begin to seem less important the longer you are married. When the regular routine sets in and romance starts to take a back seat to things such as work, bills, family life, and chores.
Yet, romance and dating should not merely be viewed as the thing that brought you together. Instead, they should be a permanent fixture of you and your partner's lives, regardless of how long you have been together.
As John and Julie Gottman explain in their book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, "Happily ever after is not by chance. It's by choice." Meaning that it takes work. After all, marriage is not a destination; it's a journey, and neglecting the details can have a significant negative impact.
One of these little details is spending quality time with each other.
Dating can fall by the wayside in marriage because you already live together. Seeing the importance of allocating specific time to be with one another can be difficult when you are already spending so much time together.
However, continual and purposeful dating is not just helpful but essential to the maintenance of a healthy and happy ongoing relationship. According to Dr. Gottman's Sound Relationship House theory, relationships are most easily sustained when partners clearly understand each other's inner worlds – their hopes, dreams, interests, and feelings.
Setting aside a single night a week to engage in a shared activity can help you feel closer. This is even the case for those who have been married for years and think they know one another, as well as two people, because people are constantly evolving, always changing. You and your partner are unlikely today to be the same people you were when you first developed your love maps.
Dating is also a great way to keep the love alive by maintaining key connection rituals.
These are the things you are your partner derive shared meaning from. Peter McFadden, who teaches marriage preparation for new couples, explains: 'couples with marriages rich in habits, rituals, and traditions will be better suited to avoid the trap of taking each other for granted and will keep the positive side of the relationship nurtured over time.'
In this way, you should endeavor to continue on with activities that you have enjoyed together in the past. These help to create intimacy. Beyond this, you should explore new ways to demonstrate your love to one another – to continue to woo one another. After all, it's the little habits you create together that help your love survive and thrive.
Finally, in making time for dating, you demonstrate to your partner that they are still a priority in your life.
Everyone wants to feel loved and desired, no matter what stage they are at in their relationship. It always feels good to have your partner pursue you.
All in all, couples must continue to devote time to each other to maintain their relationship. Dating is essentially a way of spending quality time together doing something you both enjoy, allows you to take time to catch up on what's going on in each other's lives. This helps you maintain a sense of meaningful attunement and togetherness in your romantic relationship.
Begin Working With A Marriage and Family therapist in Wake forest, nC
Your relationship deserves support in keeping the flame of passion alive. Our caring therapists are happy to offer this support from our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy practice. We have experience in helping many couples cultivate the love and desire that was always present in your relationship. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
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Citations
Eaton, H. (2019, February 27). Pursue Your Partner at Every Stage of Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/pursue-your-partner-at-every-stage-of-marriage/
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2018). The science of couples and family therapy: behind the scenes at the love lab. New York: W.W Norton & Company.
Gottman, J. M., Gottman, J. S., Abrams, D., & Abrams, R. C. (2019). Eight dates: essential conversations for a lifetime of love. New York: Workman.
Spielmann, J. (2020, February 11). The Perfect Relationship. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-perfect-relationship/
Verily Magazine, C. (2018, February 15). 3 Daily Rituals That Stop Spouses from Taking Each Other for Granted. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-daily-rituals-that-stop-spouses-from-taking-each-other-for-granted/