5 Actionable and Effective Ways to Blend Your Families

Divorce is hard on families, no matter the circumstances of the separation. Oftentimes, kids are the ones who have the hardest time transitioning into a new normal. This is especially true when it comes to remarriage. It’s common for a marriage to end in divorce due to irreconcilable differences.

These differences may include:

• Poor communication skills

• Lack of trust

• Different life goals and expectations

• Inconsistent parenting styles and goals for your family

This is why it’s even more important to set guidelines and prepare before entering into another marriage. Especially when kids from both partners are involved. Keep reading to discover 5 actionable and effective ways to blend your families when entering into a second or any new marriage

1. Establish Open Communication

If your last marriage ended due to poor communication skills, it’s important to think about how you can improve those skills in your next marriage. If you’re deciding to marry, it’s because you love your partner. The best way to show that love is to express your needs and expectations from the start. Then, continue to have open communication throughout your marriage.

Do you have fears and triggers leftover from your last relationship? Talk it out with your new partner! Do you have certain needs that were never met? Do you know your “love language” and how you feel the most appreciated and cared for? Be open and honest right from the start. The more you talk at the beginning, the more you’ll continue to talk throughout your marriage. So, you’ll be better off for it.

2. Agree on a Parenting Style

Couples who are about to start a new marriage are often very excited and happy to start their lives together. Thus, they forget to be practical and have tough discussions before the big day.

If kids become involved, it’s important to understand how each person parents their own children. Couples should talk about what is to be expected when combining parenting styles. There’s no such thing as too much preparation! If you are in sync from the start and do a lot of the heavy lifting before actually blending your families, then you will run into fewer problems down the road. And, you’ll be better equipped to handle problems that do arise.

Here are some questions to get you started:

●      What do we value the most as parents?

●      How do we want to co-parent our kids?

●      How do we want to discipline our stepchildren versus our biological children?

●      What are the 5 most important house rules that we expect everyone in the family to follow?

Then, bring your kids into the discussion. Often kids are hesitant about a parent’s new marriage because they feel like they have no control over the situation. If you are open and honest with your children about what is to be expected, then everyone will enter the new family feeling like they’re included and valued.  

3. Allow For An Adjustment Period

The honeymoon phase is often an exciting time for newlyweds and their families. Yet, second marriages are often met with a little bit more negativity from certain members of the family, particularly children. Even though you and your partner may be excited to start this new life together, your kids may not be. That’s okay! The best thing you can do is set expectations from the start. Allow all members involved in this new family time to get used to their new normal.

4. Prioritize Family Bonding

The best way to blend a family is by actually taking the time to get to know each other! Find ways to spend time together that everyone will enjoy. Whether that’s a weekly game night, nightly dinners, fun weekend trips, or watching a list of favorite movies together. Make sure you are setting aside the time for family, but also the two of you! Blending families is stressful. But, the quality time you spend together will remind you why it’s all worth it. 

5. Consider Family Therapy

Many people might view family therapy as a drastic step to take if no other methods are working. But, it’s a great tool to use right at the beginning. A dedicated, safe place for open communication can help you strengthen your family bond. A family therapist can help make each member of the family feel seen and heard.

Begin Family Therapy in Wake Forest, NC

Blending families can be a wonderful bonding experience for everyone involved. The caring therapists at our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy practice would love to help your new family grow closer together as it grows and evolves. To start, follow these simple steps:

1. Contact My-Therapist

2. Meet with a caring family therapist

3. Connect with your family on a deeper level

Other Services Offered At My-Therapist

We offer a variety of mental health services at our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy practice. Our therapy services include online therapy, couples intensive therapy, AAMFT & LMHC approved supervision, foundations of lasting love, couples workshops and retreats, Gottman method couples therapy, emotionally focused couples therapy, and individual therapy.

 Resources:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/step-parenting-blended-families.htm

 https://www.marriage.com/advice/family/suggestions-for-successfully-blending-families/