Why the Little Things Matter
My mind began spinning at the thought of Valentine’s Day
Everyone making reservations, calling the florist, and scrambling last minute to get chocolates and presents. This is all to make our partners feel special, loved, and cared for. It makes me think, “Why did they pick only one day, out of the entire year, to focus on our partner and do kind things for them?”
“Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” —Winnie the Pooh
This is where we can set ourselves apart from others and this day; by doing the little things every day to make our partner feel what we aspire them to feel on Valentine’s Day. It’s the small things done often that make the biggest impact on our relationships. When I say ‘the little things,’ I truly mean the little things.
These little things can be as small as:
Pumping air in their tires
Making them a cup of coffee when you know they’re running late
Warming up their car when it’s cold out
Playing their favorite board game with them
Changing the toilet roll when it’s empty
Thanking your partner
Many of us believe we need to shower our partners with BIG events and objects like jewelry, vacations, money, and luxurious gifts to show them how much we love them. Your relationship needs small moments every day to fill the emotional bank account in your relationship. When our emotional bank account is filled, the hard time and fights don’t feel as bad because we have an extra layer of cushion to lean on, which solidifies your bond and connection with one another.
The 5:1 Ratio
John Gottman, the relationship expert, says you need a 5:1 ratio in your relationship; 5 positive interactions to 1 negative interaction. The small things that we do in our relationships can add to those positive interactions and keep our relationship satisfaction high.
Doing the little things in our relationship can be small but can communicate so much to our partner. Some of the messages it conveys are:
I’m thinking about your wants
I respect you
You are my priority
I appreciate who you are
I’m thinking about your needs
I am listening
When we communicate these things to our partner using small gestures and words, we add these elements to our relationship:
Emotional intimacy
Connection
Closeness
Trust
Security
Without these little moments in our everyday life, we are often just living for the big gestures to fill our relationship cup up; that luxurious vacation in hopes of reconnecting or that diamond ring he promised to purchase for you. But what happens when that big gesture or event happens and the ‘high’ that we experience from that, goes away? Do we wait until the next big thing? Or do we continue to experience the small gestures from our partner each day? It’s your choice, choose wisely!
Begin Online Couples Therapy in North Carolina
Learning to cultivate connection through small moments is much easier said than done. Our team of caring therapists can help you and your relationship thrive from the comfort of home. Our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy practice is ready to offer support via online therapy to any resident in the state of North Carolina. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
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Other Services Offered At My Therapist NC
Online marriage counseling isn't the only service offered at our Wake Forest, NC-based practice. Other services include online therapy, family therapy, individual therapy for relationship issues, couples workshops, co-parenting counseling, and couples intensive therapy. We also offer support through foundations of lasting love and AAMFT supervision. Read our blog to learn more about us and our services!