Dating After Break-up: How to Survive (And Thrive) When You Start Dating Again
You’ve experienced the exhilarating highs of a relationship and the unimaginable lows of its end, but did you know you can thrive in the aftermath? It’s true! You can. With time and focused effort, you can not only survive, but you can also thrive when you start dating again after a breakup or divorce.
Grieve
You won’t truly enjoy dating after a breakup or divorce if you’re still hung up on the past. Some believe grieving will only make them feel worse, but grieving is just acknowledging what’s already there. It’s reflecting on what went wrong, recognizing what you can and cannot control, dealing with residual anger and acknowledging the hurt, and finding healthy ways to move forward.
Grief often comes in waves and manifests differently for everyone. It could be worthwhile to enlist a counselor or trusted friend to help you walk through grief. A counselor can provide you with the right tools and questions to ask so that you can grieve, but you can also grow through the process.
Grow
It’s easy to get trapped in grief and never move forward. But done right, walking through the grieving process can equip you to move forward in a more healthy manner. Fully processing your grief may help you identify what went wrong as well as the areas you might benefit from growing. Begin to identify what you’re looking for in a relationship. You will likely have a better idea of that having walked through one that ended. If it helps, make a list. Sometimes passion can overwhelm reason, and you may need an anchor to keep you grounded.
Again, a counselor, especially one skilled in Emotionally Focused Therapy, can help you grow through the pain and make better decisions in the future. They can help you understand yourself and the importance of a healthy relationship. They can help you advocate for yourself without alienating a promising date. A gifted counselor will help you trust yourself but take it slow.
Go in Groups
Some of the best starter dates are in groups. One way to ease back into the game is to get to know potential partners as part of a group. It can help reduce some of the anxiety and stress of getting back into the dating scene, and it can boost your mood if depression plagues you. If there’s not a natural group that “fits” this need, you may have to get creative. Invite others that you know and genuinely like to go out, and encourage them to invite others they know. If you’re feeling enterprising, you may look online for local meetups. Find what fits and what works, and do it even if you’re afraid.
Be sure to include at least one trusted source in this group so that you can have a second set of unobjective eyes getting to know the person right alongside you. They should have your best interests at heart so that they can provide you with unbridled feedback.
(Slow) Gains
Celebrate baby steps forward. Dating shouldn’t be a race, though it may feel like it at times. We’re prone to make poor decisions when rushed, so take your time and celebrate the gains. You may feel so many emotions – sadness, anger, fear. Make space for those feelings, but don’t allow them to keep you from growing and moving forward.
When you do find someone worth dating, it never hurts to go slow. Move forward with a keen awareness of how the relationship is impacting you, and use the tools you’ve gained from walking through grief and growing to evaluate whether it’s healthy and whether it’s something you want. Consider exploring relationship tips and tools such as those offered through the Gottman Institute to help you build a better foundation for your budding relationship. Always remember that a good counselor can help you navigate these new waters, so make yourself a regular on their calendar.
Final Thoughts
Regardless of how the relationship ended, there’s bound to be hurt and uncertainty and myriad other feelings and emotions associated with moving on in the aftermath. Be honest with yourself and honest with any potential partner. With time and some effort, you could build a better future for yourself and those you love.
Begin Relationship Counseling for Singles with My Therapist
Building a better future with a new partner is much easier said than done. Our team of caring relationship therapists would be honored to support you in cultivating lasting relationships. We are happy to offer support from our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy practice and across the state. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
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Other Services Offered at my Therapist
Relationship counseling for singles isn’t the only service offered by our team. We understand you may experience a variety of concerns related to your mental health and relationships. This is why we are happy to offer a variety of services including online therapy, family therapy, individual therapy for relationship issues, couples workshops, co-parenting counseling, and couples intensive therapy. We also offer support through foundations of lasting love and AAMFT supervision. Read our blog to learn more about us and our services!
References
https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-heal-from-past-relationships/