What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

At My-Therapist, we use Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Wake Forest, NC. It is a proven couples therapy method that has emerged from over 40 years of research data. It combines the knowledge and wisdom of more than three decades of Gottman research and clinical practice.

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a structured, goal-oriented, scientifically-based therapy. Through research-based interventions and exercises, it helps couples break through barriers and, achieve greater understanding, connection, and intimacy in their relationships. Intervention strategies are based upon empirical data from Dr. Gottman’s three decades of research with more than 4,000 couples. So, this research shows us what actually works to help couples achieve a long-term healthy relationship. Gottman Method Couples Therapy was developed out of this research to help couples:

• Increase respect, affection, and closeness

• Breakthrough and resolve conflict when they feel stuck

• Generate greater understanding between partners

• Keep conflict discussions calm

Goals and Principles of the Gottman Method

The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to:

• Disarm conflicting verbal communication.

• Increase intimacy, respect, and affection.

• Remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy in conflicting situations.

• Create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.

Research shows that to make a relationship last, couples must become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future.  Drs. John and Julie Gottman have shown how couples can accomplish this by paying attention to what they call the Sound Relationship House or, the nine components of healthy couple relationships.

The Sound Relationship House Theory:

(adapted from the Gottman Institute)

Build Love Maps
How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world? His or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?

Share Fondness and Admiration
The antidote for contempt. This level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)

Turn Towards Instead of Away
State your needs, be aware of bids for connection, and respond to (turn towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationships.

The Positive Perspective
The presence of a positive approach to problem-solving. And, the success of repair attempts.

Manage Conflict
We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. But, there is a critical difference between handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.

Make Life Dreams Come True
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions, and aspirations.

Create Shared Meaning
Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.

Trust
This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits. Not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back, and is there for me.”

Commitment
This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey. “For better or for worse” means that if it gets worse you will both work to improve it. It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities. And, nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favorably with real or imagined others. Rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by making unfavorable comparisons.

Who Can Benefit from Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Raleigh and Wake Forest, NC?

In his New York Times bestselling book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman writes, “Although you may feel your situation is unique, we have found that all marital conflicts fall into two categories: Either they can be resolved, or they are perpetual. Which means they will be part of your lives forever, in some form or another.” Gottman says that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual problems. In fact, these are of particular focus in much of the work performed by Gottman certified therapists.

The Gottman Method is designed to support couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientation, and cultural sectors. Outcome research has shown Gottman Method Couples Therapy to be effective for treating same-sex relationships.

Some of the relationship issues that may be addressed in therapy include:

• Frequent conflict and arguments

• Poor communication

• Emotionally distanced couples on the verge of separation

• Specific problems such as sexual difficulties, infidelity, money, and parenting

Even couples with “normal” levels of conflict may benefit from the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Gottman certified therapists aim to help couples build stronger relationships overall. And, help find healthier ways for couples to cope with issues as they arise in the future.

My Therapist’s approach to Gottman method couples therapy in Raleigh and wake forest, nC

Couples who enter into Gottman Couples Therapy begin with an assessment process that then informs the therapeutic framework and intervention.

Assessment
A conjoint session, followed by individual interviews with each partner will be conducted. Couples complete questionnaires and then receive detailed feedback on their relationship.

Therapeutic Framework
The couple and therapist decide on the frequency and duration of the sessions.

Therapeutic Interventions
Interventions are designed to help couples strengthen their relationships in three primary areas. Friendship, conflict management, and the creation of shared meaning. Couples learn to replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions. And, to repair past hurts. These interventions are designed to increase closeness and intimacy between couples. This means improving friendship, deepening emotional connection, and creating changes that enhance the couple’s shared goals.

Begin Gottman Method couples therapy in wake forest, NC (serving the greater raleigh, NC area) With My-Therapist

You don’t have to live with your relationship doubts. Our Gottman trained therapists at our Wake Forest, NC therapy practice (serving the greater raleigh, NC area) would love to help you strengthen your relationship. To start your therapy journey, follow these simple steps:

1. Book your initial couples therapy session using the button below.

2. Meet with one of our caring therapists.

3. Schedule a feedback and planning session.