When is the Right Time for Couples’ Therapy? 3 Things To Ask Yourself Before Starting

Dealing with disagreements and issues within a romantic relationship is never easy, especially since most people are scared or unwilling to admit that they may need help. Many couples simply believe that they can either break up in an attempt to find happiness with other people or stay together despite their unhappiness for the sake of the family (1), without considering couples therapy as a viable option.

Below are just a handful of questions you should ask yourself when considering couples’ therapy for you and your partner, to make sure this is the right decision.

1 – Are you having trust issues?

When entering into a relationship with someone, we expect to be able to trust them and be honest about the things we do and feel. We build a connection with the other person, relying on them to support us when we need help and to remain faithful to the relationship. This means that even the slightest hint of deception can often disrupt the most loving relationships.(2)

Trust issues can develop from suspicious behavior like coming home from work much later than usual, having secret phone calls, hiding purchases from our partner, etc. They can also stem from a lack of emotional support – if your partner seems to always dismiss your problems, you’ll likely stop turning to them for help.

Going to couples’ therapy to discuss your issues surrounding trust can help resolve any uncertainties, as well as validate both partners’ emotions and opinions about the matter.

2 – Is there any intimacy?

While every single relationship is different and a lack of intimacy isn’t an automatic red flag, it can be concerning if there is a sudden change from what you’re used to. A lack of intimacy, whether physical or emotional, can really wear down the bond a couple has as they suddenly find themselves with nothing to anchor them down during a rougher patch in the relationship.(3)

This lack of security can lead to further problems, including arguments, accusations of infidelity, and break ups. It’s important to seek out couples’ therapy if this is what you’re experiencing as the issue may not necessarily be about cheating or falling out of love - a lack of intimacy may stem from untreated mental health issues, childhood trauma or phobias, an unhealthy work/life balance, and many more issues that can be resolved through therapy.(4)

3 – Do you have escalating conflicts?

While it’s fairly normal to have a disagreement here and there about something trivial, escalating conflicts within a relationship can be a sign that it’s time to seek professional help. Unfortunately, many couples simply ignore this tell-tale sign, for fear that bringing it up may make things worse or cause additional conflict.

In reality, this is usually far from the truth. Having a professional talk, the two of you through each conflict can speed up the resolution process, and make each person understand the other’s point of view. Tackling each disagreement as it happens is the best course of action – ignoring the issues and emotions surrounding the disagreements will wreak havoc on your relationship, the emotional connection the two of you have, and your general wellbeing, as tensions will build and cause more damage in the long run.(5)

If you’re considering couples’ therapy but still have some questions or concerns, we are here to help. Contact us and schedule a free 15-minute consultation and let us help you decide if couples therapy is right for you.

Sources:

1 Hawkins, Fackrell, & Harris, Should I Try to Work it Out?

2 J. Catlett, Trust Issues: Why Is It So Hard for Some People to Trust?

3 Counselling Directory, Can a relationship survive without intimacy?

4 A. Pietrangelo, T. J. Legg, Defining and Overcoming a Fear of Intimacy

5 K. Benson, Is it Time to Go to Couples Counseling?