4 Simple Tips to Help You Balance Couple Time with Family Time

Having children can feel like a full-time job, and while it’s certainly true that your children will flourish under loving attention, other important aspects of your life can fall by the wayside.

According to research by Dr. John Gottman, the nation's top marriage expert, 67% of new parents experience a precipitous drop in couple satisfaction in the first three years of the baby’s life. 

One relationship frequently neglected while dealing with the issues of parenthood is the one between the parents themselves. Couples need time to focus on their romantic relationship to ensure marital happiness – a key aspect of keeping families together.

Here are some tips to help you create a better balance between your relationship with your children and your partner:

1.    Factor in some alone time together

The transition from two (the couple) to three (with a new baby) is probably one of the most difficult experienced by most couples. When you’re busy dealing with the needs of your child, it can be hard to remember what life was like when it was just the two of you.

In the early stages of coupledom, you likely took time to explore each other’s thoughts and goals and developed some shared ideas and activities which became an essential part of your relationship

Yet, with the addition of children to the household, these shared ‘rituals of connection’ that help to keep you together can quickly be overtaken by other things.

Establishing a plan to keep these activities alive, be they Saturday night date night, an annual vacation without the kids, or even just taking some time out for a quick chat before bed, can help to keep your relationship firmly on track.

2.    Communicate often and in meaningful ways

Communication is something often taken for granted. Yet, in a busy household, it can be hard to find the time to make it meaningful.

At the start of your relationship, you probably spent a lot of time talking and getting to know one another. You likely shared past memories, present plans, and future ambitions with your partner, and your sense of togetherness was strengthened as you handed each other this ‘love map’ of your inner world.

As you grow together and your lives change, it is vital that you still find a way to keep talking about these things as a way of demonstrating that you are still interested in one another.

As Dr. John Gottman explains in his best selling book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, couples with deep friendships have:

“…mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company. They tend to know each other intimately — they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in and day out.”

 So take time wherever you can find it to touch base with your partner about their world, their day-to-day life, and their evolving hopes and dreams.

3.    Plan regular family activities

Developing shared meaning through little rituals is not just important for couples, it’s crucial for families too. Such shared activities help build and strengthen connections between family members and allow each person to feel respected and nurtured.

The trick is to establish a clear routine for such activities – children respond well to structure. Also, to develop these routines together. Asking your children what they would like to do ensures that family time can be meaningful for everybody involved.

This regular togetherness will allow for emotional connection and closeness to remain as your children grow up, and hopefully, even after they have moved away from home.

4.    Stress your role as both a parent and a partner

It’s natural for children to crave the constant attention of their parents, and, as a parent, it is often easiest to give in to their demands. In this way, you can feel like a good parent, but at the cost of feeling like (or being) a lousy partner.

Yet, you don’t have to choose between being a good parent or a partner - you simply need to find the right balance between the two. A crucial part of this is demonstrating to your children that you value your partner too.

By showing your children that you place a high value on your romantic relationship, not only are you illustrating for your partner the respect and admiration you have for them, you are also modeling a healthy family dynamic to your children. It’s a win-win situation.