Partner Betrayal Trauma After Infidelity, Sexual Addiction, & Hidden Sexual Behaviors
Discovering any form of infidelity—whether a physical affair, emotional affair, compulsive pornography use, secret sexual behavior, sexual addiction, or even sexual behaviors that violate relationship agreements—can feel like the ground has disappeared beneath you.
For many partners, this moment is not simply “heartbreak.” It is trauma.
A betrayal of this magnitude often creates:
Shock, numbness, and disbelief
Hypervigilance—checking phones, accounts, histories
Feeling unable to trust your own intuition
Shame or embarrassment that this is happening
A profound loss of emotional stability and safety
Confusion about what is real and who your partner truly is
And if you’re the partner who disclosed or was discovered, you may be struggling in your own way:
Guilt, remorse, or deep shame
Confusion about why your partner is so devastated
Fear that you’ve caused irreversible damage
Hopelessness about whether the relationship can survive
Uncertainty about how to respond to triggers and trauma
Many partners think:
“It wasn’t a physical affair—why is this so painful for them?”
“Why does he feel unsafe with me now?”
“How do we even begin to rebuild?”
The truth: infidelity in any form—sexual, emotional, digital, or compulsive—shatters the foundation of attachment and trust.
Healing is possible, but it requires structure, empathy, accountability, trauma-informed support, and time.
This Page Is for You If…
You are navigating the aftermath of any betrayal, including:
Physical or emotional affairs
Repeated pornography use or secret porn use
Compulsive sexual behaviors or sexual addiction
Escort use, camming, online sexual chats, sexting
Deviant or boundary-violating sexual behaviors
Long-term patterns of “trickle truth” or chronic lying
A relationship rupture that left you questioning reality
You may be:
Checking devices constantly—and feeling ashamed for doing it
Unsure whether to stay or leave
Swinging between hope, anger, numbness, and grief
Wanting to understand your partner’s trauma
Wanting to repair the relationship but not knowing how
Our Approach: A Trauma-Informed, Couple-Centered Model
At My-Therapist, Inc., we approach all infidelity and sexual betrayal through a partner betrayal trauma lens, informed by:
The Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (APSATS)
EFT and Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Trauma science and attachment theory
EMDR and somatic trauma treatment
We do not label betrayed partners as “co-addicts.”
We do not blame partners for the betrayal.
Your responses—hypervigilance, anger, shutdown, numbness—are normal trauma responses to a profound breach of trust.
If You Are the Betrayed Partner
You may feel:
Like your body is in survival mode
Unsure if anything you believed was real
Afraid to ever trust again
Pressured to “just move on” before you’re ready
Overwhelmed by triggers and intrusive thoughts
In therapy, we slow everything down.
You deserve to be believed, supported, and protected—not judged or rushed.
If You Are the Partner Who Engaged in the Behavior
You may be:
Carrying shame and regret
Wanting desperately to help your partner heal
Unsure how to respond to triggers or emotional waves
Confused about how your behavior created trauma
Worried that the relationship can’t recover
We help you:
Understand the full impact of your choices
Build empathy rather than defensiveness
Create consistent behaviors that rebuild safety
Develop a recovery plan that supports real change
Who This Service Is For
Our betrayal trauma and infidelity recovery services are a good fit if:
You discovered an affair, porn use, sexual addiction, or hidden sexual behavior
There has been long-term deception, secrecy, or ongoing mistrust
You’re experiencing panic, obsessive thinking, or emotional flooding
You feel lost between staying and leaving
Both partners want clarity, support, and a structured path forward
We offer virtual sessions across North Carolina and Georgia, and in-person sessions in Wake Forest / Raleigh.
What Treatment Looks Like at My-Therapist, Inc.
Our clinicians integrate Gottman, EFT, EMDR, trauma-informed modalities, somatic strategies, and specialized infidelity recovery frameworks.
The healing process often includes the following phases:
1. Safety, Stabilization & Grounding
We begin by addressing the crisis:
Understanding trauma responses and why they’re normal
Creating grounding tools for panic, triggers, and overwhelm
Setting immediate boundaries around technology, transparency, and communication
Reducing chaos so both partners can breathe again
2. Clarifying the Story & Considering Therapeutic Disclosure
Ongoing discovery is deeply destabilizing.
A structured, therapist-led disclosure may include:
Preparing each partner separately
Reviewing what information is necessary for safety—not punishment
Facilitating a compassionate, honest disclosure session
Beginning accountability and repair work afterward
This process can dramatically reduce retraumatization and restore clarity.
3. Trauma Healing for the Betrayed Partner
Individual therapy may focus on:
Validating your trauma (you’re not “overreacting”)
Processing intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and panic with EMDR or somatic tools
Rebuilding a sense of agency and self-trust
Calming the nervous system after chronic stress and fear
4. Recovery Work for the Partner Who Engaged in the Behavior
We explore:
The roots of compulsive or secretive sexual behavior
Emotional patterns, shame cycles, and avoidance
Accountability practices that create sustainable change
Empathic responses that reduce, rather than worsen, trauma
Repair strategies based on honesty and relational integrity
5. Rebuilding the Relationship: Trust, Intimacy & Wise Boundaries
When both partners are more regulated, we begin relational repair:
Facilitated repair conversations
Rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy at a safe pace
Developing rituals of honesty and connection
Defining what “wise trust” looks like now
Rebuilding transparency without slipping into control dynamics
COMING IN 2026: Partner & Couples Betrayal Trauma Groups
Beginning in 2026, My-Therapist, Inc. will offer:
• A specialized group for betrayed partners
• A couples group for infidelity and betrayal recovery
These groups will include:
Psychoeducation on trauma and relational repair
Support from others experiencing similar betrayal
Skills for regulation, communication, and rebuilding safety
Optional integration with your individual or couples therapy
Podcasts to Build Understanding & Empathy
Podcasts to Build Understanding and Empathy
These podcasts can help you hear directly from professionals (and sometimes other couples) about porn use, betrayal trauma, and relational healing.
1. Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction A therapist-led podcast focused on pornography use, recovery, and rebuilding trust in marriage. Episodes often address communication, triggers, and how to show up differently in the relationship. 🔗 Listen to Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction
2. Helping Couples Heal This podcast focuses on the impact of betrayal trauma and how couples can begin to repair. It’s especially useful for understanding what the betrayed partner is going through emotionally. 🔗 Listen to Helping Couples Heal
3. Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts (PBSE) Features conversations with experts in addiction, trauma, and relational recovery. Helpful for partners who want to understand both the compulsive side of porn use and the impact on their spouse. 🔗 Listen to PBSE Podcast
4. Becoming Whole After Betrayal While this podcast is geared more toward the betrayed partner, listening as the using partner can give you valuable insight into the depth of pain, confusion, and trauma your spouse may be living with. 🔗 Listen to Becoming Whole After Betrayal
Articles, Blogs & Books to Support Healing
Articles & Blogs That Explain Betrayal Trauma Clearly Written resources can help you slow down, re-read, and really absorb what betrayal trauma is and why it feels so intense for your partner.
“Top Six Books for Partners of Sex & Porn Addicts” – A helpful overview of key books that support betrayed partners and offer insight into recovery dynamics. 🔗 Read the blog Brickel & Associates Betrayal Trauma
Book List – A comprehensive list of books for trauma, sex and love addiction, and partner recovery.
🔗 See the list Sex and Relationship Healing Resources – Includes podcasts and articles on betrayal, addiction, and couples healing.
🔗 Explore couples resources “Betrayal Trauma: The Side of Porn Use No One Talks About” – An article describing how secret porn use can impact a partner’s emotional world and sense of reality.
🔗 Read the article Books to Deepen Awareness and Responsibility These books can help you understand both the neuroscience of pornography use and the emotional and relational trauma your spouse may be experiencing.
1. The Porn Solution – Sandra Shachar, PhD A practical guide for couples facing pornography-related betrayal. It addresses the emotional impact, relationship repair, and steps forward. 🔗 Learn more about The Porn Solution
2. Wired for Intimacy – William Struthers Explores how pornography impacts the brain, intimacy, and behavior. Helpful for understanding how patterns formed—and how they can change. 🔗 See Wired for Intimacy in this list
3. The Betrayal Bond – Patrick Carnes A foundational text on the dynamics of betrayal and trauma bonds. Many partners find it validating and clarifying. 🔗 See The Betrayal Bond in this list
4. Porn Addict’s Wife – Sandy Brown A vulnerable, honest look at the betrayed partner’s journey. Reading this can help you see through your spouse’s eyes and build empathy for her pain. 🔗 View Porn Addict’s Wife
5. Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – Barbara Steffens & Marsha Means A key book in the partner trauma field, emphasizing that partners are not “co-addicts” but trauma survivors whose pain makes sense in context. 🔗 See Your Sexually Addicted Spouse in this list
How to Use These Resources in a Helpful Way
How to Use These Resources in a Helpful Way When you’re trying to repair after betrayal trauma, the goal is not to “check a box” or rush your partner’s healing. It’s to genuinely grow in empathy and accountability.
Try this simple rhythm: Choose one podcast episode or one book chapter per week. After listening or reading, answer these questions in a journal or notes app:
“What might my partner have been feeling in those moments when they found out?”
“What can I do this week to show I am taking responsibility and trying to understand—not just defend or justify?”
Bring one insight to your next couples therapy session as a starting point for conversation.
FAQs About Betrayal, Infidelity & Sexual Behavior
FAQs About Betrayal Trauma & Pornography Use Is pornography use really “betrayal” if there wasn’t a physical affair? How long does betrayal trauma take to heal? Can couples really recover from pornography betrayal?
What to Expect When You Contact My-Therapist, Inc.
Taking the first step can feel intimidating—especially when you’re already raw and exhausted. We keep the process as simple and supportive as possible.
Reach out. You can call our office at 919-551-7222 or complete our secure online contact form. 🔗 Go to the contact form Talk with our intake coordinator. We’ll listen to what you’re needing, answer questions, and recommend a clinician or service (individual therapy, couples therapy, or a couples intensive) that fits your situation. Schedule your first appointment. We’ll help you schedule a session—either online anywhere in North Carolina or Georgia, or in person at our Wake Forest office—so you can begin feeling less alone and more supported. From there, you and your therapist will create a plan that may include individual support, couples sessions, and, when appropriate, more concentrated options such as couples therapy intensives to jumpstart the healing process.
Support for Partner Betrayal Trauma & Infidelity Recovery
Whether you’re navigating a one-time affair, long-term deception, sexual acting out, pornography betrayal, sexual addiction, or hidden behaviors, you do not have to go through this alone.
Our clinicians are trained in:
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Infidelity & Betrayal Trauma Recovery
EMDR & Trauma Treatment
We see clients:
In person in Wake Forest / Raleigh
Online across North Carolina and Georgia
Schedule a Couples Therapy Consultation
Wherever you are—angry, confused, hopeful, devastated, or unsure—we’ll meet you there.
Start Building the Life You Want.
Let’s Get Started.