Relationships and PTSD: 4 Things You Need To Know

With Veterans Day approaching, it is important to take some time to understand how to recognize those who have PTSD and how it may be affecting your relationship with them and their relationships with others. Many types of traumatic experiences can cause someone to develop PTSD. The most commonly known are active combat, torture, or being a prisoner of war. Lesser-known causes of PTSD are domestic violence, rape, and the discovery of infidelity by a trusted partner. Those experiencing PTSD symptoms can find it an overwhelming factor in their lives, which can create difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships.

Below are four areas of symptoms, treatments, and support options that you should know.

The common signs and symptoms of PTSD

Those who have PTSD usually display several common symptoms, and many signs point to PTSD even if the person isn’t aware of having it. Some of those symptoms may be easily recognized. Others may come on gradually and may need you to step back and look at a series of actions or behaviors to get a clearer view.

·       Feelings of irritability, worry, or a need to be on guard all of the time

·       Sleeping difficulties; insomnia or severe nightmares

·       Reliving the memories of trauma can cause someone to try to avoid situations that may trigger them

·       Self-harming behaviors; alcohol or drug dependency, thoughts about causing harm to themselves or others

·       Pulling away from close relationships

Recognizing the toll PTSD can place on a relationship.

Many who experience these systems can have difficulty in realizing how they affect their relationships. A close romantic partner who shares a living space may also become so affected by the behaviors displayed that they begin to exhibit some themselves. Often, a strain is placed on other relationships surrounding the couple as friends and family may not understand what is happening.

·       When one person pulls away and begins to self-isolate, their partner often bears the responsibility of making excuses or changes in plans. This can lead to a build-up of resentment and begin a cycle of blame and guilt that is highly detrimental to a relationship.

·       Sleeping difficulties can easily transmit to a partner resulting in both operating under a lack of adequate sleep. Some also experience severe nightmares that can turn physical or violent with the unintentional result of harming their partner.

·       Intense personal trauma, such as rape, domestic violence, or discovery of infidelity, is not always recognized as a source of PTSD, leading to problems in identifying how to provide the best type of support. These can also lead to trust issues in new or future relationships; betrayal by other people can often take years to overcome though appropriate counseling can make a great deal of difference.

·       Family and friends who are not aware someone has, or do not understand, PTSD can sometimes interpret their behavior in a much more negative light and begin to encourage the partner to pull back or leave. It can also lead to them pulling back as well, and a close support network is one of the most important ways someone who has PTSD can receive help.

·       There is often difficulty in placing trust in other people. The trauma they experienced has damaged their faith in others, and when a partner, friends, or family become wary of them or discuss leaving, this can also reinforce that difficulty.

There are a number of options for counseling and day-to-day methods for living with PTSD.

A person with PTSD or their partner can learn to cope with the symptoms in various ways. It is always essential to have open and clear communication as possible with each other. The symptoms surrounding trust and guilt can cause many partnerships to need extra work to maintain a respectful and healthy dialogue and living arrangements.

·       Blame and guilt can easily overtake conversations and cause anger and resentment. Following communication strategies, as outlined by mindful listening and communication-based counseling, a couple can learn how to focus on each other, take a break, and effectively discuss ongoing issues.

·       Encouraging someone with PTSD to seek treatment through a professional counselor is important though it should be handled with care and sensitivity. Trying to make decisions for them or treating them as if they aren’t capable can conflict with their difficulties in trusting others and opening up.

·       Work to identify potential triggers, such as loud noises, to minimize them. It is impossible to avoid all of them, particularly in large cities. Still, a good counselor and support group can provide safer spaces and people they can be around who understand what is going on.

·       It is always important to know that it is okay to walk away. Both people in a relationship need to take some space and time for themselves, especially if the situation becomes heated and needs to be diffused. Taking a walk or a 20-minute break from each other can help create a calmer state of mind when back together.

Where to find resources

Depending on the type of trauma, there are multiple resources and options available to both the person with PTSD and their partner.

National Center for PTSD is through the US Department of Veterans Affairs and can provide contacts and support mechanisms for combat veterans and their families. Non-veterans are also welcome to contact them for support information.

Therapists with experience in treating PTSD of any cause are frequently members of the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (ISTSS), and its directory can list qualified therapists by geographical area.