My Partner Just Came Out to Me. What Should I Do?
If you are in a committed relationship, and your partner has finally decided to come out to you, you may be wondering how you will deal with this sudden realization.
You may be feeling betrayed and hurt at the moment. But, try to look at the situation at hand with an open mind. Your partner opening up about something so deeply personal shows that they trust and love you enough to be honest with you about who they truly are. They are not trying to hurt you. It is more likely that they have struggled with the decision to come out for a long time, and they ultimately believe that being truthful about their sexuality will be more beneficial than keeping it a secret.
When it comes to having a conversation about what to do next in the relationship, the most important thing to remember going in is that you must be willing to take care of your mental health before attempting anything.
Never be afraid to admit that you are struggling with the news and may need some time to think things over. According to Silverstein (2020), allowing yourself time to process the information will help you face your partner with an open and non-judgemental mindset. This will also give your partner reassurance that you are taking the situation seriously and wish to do things the right way, rather than simply letting it blow over to solve itself. When you feel that it is time to sit and talk, remember to voice your opinions civilly and ask questions that allow your partner to express their thoughts as well.
After the initial conversation, if you and your partner conclude that you want to stay together, there are many steps that you can take to help keep the relationship going.
Keep in mind the reasons why you bonded in the first place, and move forward with this new revelation knowing that it can bring you even closer together. After all, human beings are hardwired for social interaction and emotional bonding (Brubacher & Wiebe, 2019). You can make this work if you have the desire to do so.
If you and your partner are considering counseling to assist with mending or strengthening your relationship, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) will help tremendously. A therapist trained in EFT provides their patients with a secure environment designed to assist couples with emotional bonding and conflict resolution (Feeney & Fitzgerald, 2019). With the therapist's help, the couple will work together towards a mutual goal while allowing the opportunity for open conversation and a deep inquiry into what each person wants out of the relationship. (Find out more about this unique type of therapy by visiting https://iceeft.com/.)
Remember that there is always hope when it comes to a relationship that is built on honesty and mutual respect. Your partner being open with you about their sexuality shows that they trust you enough to be completely honest with you. This does not mean the relationship must end. Rather, it gives you both ample opportunity to explore different ways to love and cherish each other.
Begin Online Therapy in North Carolina
Navigating such a major change is challenging. Our team of caring therapists understands the stress you may feel, and we would be happy to offer support across the state from our Wake Forest, NC-based practice. Your relationship doesn’t have to end, and we can help you determine the best next steps for your case. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist from our team
Start navigating your bond with your partner.
Other Services Offered With My-Therapist
We understand that you are a complex person who may have a variety of mental health or relationship concerns. This is why our team is happy to offer a number of services to support you. These include individual therapy for relationship issues, couples workshops, and marriage counseling. We also offer family therapy, therapy for relationship trauma, couples intensive therapy, foundations of lasting love, infertility, and AAMFT supervision. For more helpful information, please read our blog or visit our services page!
References:
Feeney. J & Fitzgerald, J. (Feb 2019). Attachment, conflict and relationship quality: laboratory-based and clinical insights. Current Opinion in Psychology, 25, 127-131. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.04.002
Brubacher. L, & Wiebe, S. (2019) Process-research to practice in emotionally-focused couple therapy: A map for reflective practice. Journal of Family Psychotherapy, 30:4, 292-313, DOI: 10.1080/08975353.2019.1679608
Silverstein, L. (21 Oct, 2020). What to do when your partner comes out to you. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved from: https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-partner-comes-out-to-you/