Living with someone with a different personality and preferences can be difficult. You're bound to make them angry or get angry sometimes. That’s normal. What makes the anger different in each situation is how you express it and how it gets handled. People often mask their anger or allow it to escalate to serious rage, which is not healthy for a marriage. Let’s take a look at some ways to reduce anger and irritation in your marriage.

Get to the Bottom of it

If there is an anger problem in your marriage, the first step to solving it should be to get to the root of it. Sometimes anger is just a manifestation of an underlying problem. It acts as a cover-up to hide deeper hurt and pain. If you or your partner have ever been the victim of verbal, mental, emotional, sexual, or physical abuse and these issues have not been resolved, that can cause sustained anger. Anger serves as protection, a sign of someone trying to shield themselves from getting hurt again. The following are some possible root causes of anger that need to be dealt with:  

●      Experiencing let downs again and again

●      Trauma or loss

●      A history of unfair treatment

●      Childhood neglect

●      Unforgiveness

●      Unmet expectations

●      Fear or anxiety

●      Depression

 If you can not explain where the anger is coming from, it helps to see a marriage and family therapist in Wake Forest, NC. They can help you to understand and resolve your anger issues.

De-Escalate and Neutralize Emotionality

Sometimes, you and your partner may find yourselves feeling constantly angry at each other. Not because there is a root cause, but because you haven’t found a way to deal with anger in an effective way. One way to deal with an angry partner would be to remain calm and avoid escalating the situation. It’s not advisable to get mad because your partner is also angry, even if you think their anger is not warranted. If you remain calm, you will de-escalate the situation and lessen emotional intensity. Instead of being mad at each other, try and redirect the anger. Use it as fuel toward increased cooperation.

Respect Your Partner and be Assertive

You should always express your wants and needs in a direct and respectful way. But, avoid hurting your partner’s feelings or disrespecting them. When you do this, you will empower your partner to take responsibility for their actions. Thus, they will less likely to get angry because you called them out. Oftentimes, speaking disrespectfully will anger your partner, even if they are wrong. You may also end up getting angry. Once they are angry, chances are they will not take responsibility for anything.

Understand and Validate Your Partner

Most people often lash out in anger since they believe they are misunderstood. Or, they may believe they’re not being taken seriously. When you or your partner feels this way, it will inflame anger in your relationship. It is always important to feel heard. When communicating with your partner, actively listen to them and confirm their feelings. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything they say. It means you are present and actually willing to understand what they are feeling.

If you communicate like this, your partner will remain calm and won’t feel judged in any way. In the end, both of you will not have a reason to be angry at each other.

Pick Your Battles

If you and your partner are always angry at each other, you might need to start exercising restraint. At least when it comes to participating in fights. Both of you should be willing to lose some arguments so that you can win the war. Or, in other words, maintain peace in your relationship. It’s impossible to agree on everything even if both of you are right. So, turning every disagreement into a fight is not a wise decision.

Anger is complex, and there may be many emotions beneath it, such as sadness, fear, or pain. This is why it’s crucial to always be compassionate and patient with your partner. Try moving away from blame and accusation, and you will see changes in your relationship. Compassion and patience serve as antidotes to anger. They can be the foundations of positive energy between you and your partner.

Still Struggling

Some of these ways to reduce anger and irritation may feel like more than you can do on your own. If so, consider individual or couples therapy. Our team of therapists can help you uncover core issues that fuel anger in your relationship. With a caring marriage counselor, you can learn coping strategies to help you bond with your partner.

Begin Marriage counseling In North Carolina  

You deserve to feel secure in your relationship. Meet with one of our caring therapists from our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy office. Together, we can further assess your relationship. Next, we will schedule one 90-minute joint session and two 50-minute individual sessions. Finally, we will develop a framework to create a fulfilling, loving relationship built to last! To start coupes therapy, follow these simple steps:

1. Book your initial therapy session.

2. Meet with a caring couples counselor.

3. Start cultivating the relationship you deserve!

Other Services Offered At My Therapist

Couples therapy isn't the only service we offer. At our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy office, we also offer couples intensive therapy, AAMFT & LMHC approved supervision, foundations of lasting love, couples workshops and retreats, individual therapy for relationship issues, and family therapy. For more information, feel free to read our blog!

References

https://ohioline.osu.edu/factsheet/HYG-5191

https://extension.colostate.edu/docs/pubs/consumer/10238.pdf

https://ifstudies.org/blog/for-a-healthy-marriage-practice-forgiveness-to-reduce-anger