Are You Feeling Stressed this Valentine’s Day?

If so, spare a thought for the sacrificed animals and whipped women that History.com informs us took part in the original fertility festival. Your day cannot possibly be so dramatic, so make sure you keep things in perspective. From its Roman roots and 15th Century reinvention, as a day to swap royal love notes, this quite peculiar turn in the annual calendar can spawn a myriad of insecurities and vulnerabilities that have no place in a loving relationship. Skip the minefield of unrealistic expectations and performance pressures, and grab this once-a-year opportunity to deepen and enrich your bond – with these precious few insights, straight from the Bible of Psychology 101.

You may feel that Valentine’s Day is going to reveal unspoken cracks between you and your lover, or that the fondness between you will feel forced, after an absence of intimacy.

If you’ve been avoiding the silent conflicts between you, this day can trigger anxiety related to pressure points in your communication, and things can feel especially challenging if either one of you has lost a genuine sense of enthusiasm and joy. You may also fear that conflicts will arise during this happy little day, and further compound more complex issues, or that your deepest feelings will remain unexpressed behind a shield of awkward politeness. If you’ve been together a while, Valentine’s Day may raise the unresolved issue of long-term commitment, and next steps, creating an expectation of resolution or progress.

Breathe

All of these concerns are perfectly normal and afflict anyone who has ever dared to write those three sacred words on a Valentine’s Day card: I love you. To a man and woman, they all deserve a medal. Never will three such small words cost so much vulnerability, as on this day. It can feel so hard to love; it demands such honesty, such grace, and such poise, in the face of such uncertain human frailty. Do you trust your lover? Can you hold your partner faithfully? Do they trust you? Can you place yourself in their hands?

Thankfully, our wise ancestors knew that annual rituals and recurring festivals were the surest way to maintain a sense of wonder, mystery, and shared myth in our love lives. On Valentine’s Day, we can rest our weary insecurities in the wiser lap of our broader human family, who have been through such trials before and lived to tell the tale, which is now our own.

Recognizing Rituals

Rituals in society, and rituals in a relationship, remind us that we are not alone in our plight to find and cherish love; that beyond the contrived awkwardness of a cliché dinner date resides a wider network of friends and family, who exist for the very purpose of bolstering our sense of self-attainment, which includes the intimate achievement of love. This day is your trophy, for a year survived, for a challenge surmounted, and for a union deepened.

The noble minds of psychology have only a few handy hints to help us navigate these delicate waters, and they can be summarized well enough here, by reflecting on the obvious.

1. It’s difficult to be disappointed when you’re both on the same page. Talk in advance of this special little day, and share ideas, like two kids planning a treasure hunt.

2. Weave a path through the city, following a loose schedule with few, if any, hard deadlines. Makes time for easy, relaxed, gentle conversation, away from the marching pendulum of the world’s expectations.

3. And most importantly: observe each other. Take each other in. Be with each other unreservedly, without distractions, defenses, or commitments. Just the two of you, together. Figuring out what all the fuss is about… this silly day.

Begin Working with A Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist in Wake Forest, NC

It can be a stressful time of year for many couples, but you don’t have to struggle alone with your concerns. Our caring therapists would be happy to offer support from our Wake Forest, NC-based therapy practice. No matter what issues your relationship may face, we are here for you. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:

1. Schedule an appointment with My-Therapist

2. Get to know our caring therapists

3. Start improving the health of your relationship!

Other Services Offered with My Therapist

We are happy to offer a variety of services from our Wake Forest, NC-based practice. Our team offers support through in-person and online therapy sessions. Mental health services include family therapy, Gottman couples therapy, individual therapy for relationship issues, couples workshops, and couples intensives. We also offer AAMFT supervision, EMDR, and foundations of lasting love. Feel free to visit our blog, FAQ, or services page to learn more about us today!